What I long for

I was thinking about love yesterday and I realized something.; I don't want for anything, I don't long for anything, I don't crave anything... except love.

Don't get me wrong, there are things that I see and say "that would be nice to have," but there is nothing that I absolutly would die without.

I would like to have a 2008 mustang; but its impractical in my life right now, and not a cost I can afford or justify; so I am fine without it. I don't live each day saddened by not having a mustang, I accept what I have and get on with my life.

I have a nice house; I would like to make improvements on it, but what I do have is a lot better than most people and I feel blessed to have it. I don't sit in my house miserable; suffering because it is a hellhole.

I'm not completely happy with my physic; but I'm not horrible to look at; and a gym membership just doesn't fit into my time or budget right now and I realize that isn't a life demanding thing, just a vanity thing, and I can accept who I am on the outside.

There aren't any material things that I can't live without and most things seem frivilous to me; I'm really of the mindset that if it isn't something I must have to accomplish something, then it really isn't worth the bother.

I still buy somethings here and there, but overall, "things" just aren't making a difference in my life.

I have great friends; not alot, but the few that I have are really good to me and I couldn't ask for better people.

I do sometimes wonder what it would be like to have friends who go out and hang out all the time; but my work and my responsibilities to my girls tend to make it so I don't have the time (or money) to go out anyway.

I don't regret being the responsible father, sacrificing my time for my girls; their laughter is one of the few things that really gives me a happy feeling.

But nothing else really makes me happy. Everything else that I think I want, even briefly, just doesn't excite me at all.

My daughters love me; they are happy here with what I have given them and what I provide them, they are growing up happy and healthy so I feel good about that.

The only thing I want is someone to love me as I would love that person; as I love my children; unconditionally, will all my heart and all my soul. I want someone to hold, and to make smile, to hear laugh and to make happy.

I don't know why that is all I think about, and when I do it is what I long for, the one thing that when I think about it I can't dismiss it as frivolous or unnecessary.

What am I doing wrong that causes love to allude me all the time? What am I missing?

The fear of love

I am afraid of love.

The fear of being in love (of giving into that feeling and letting the love fill you) is that the love won't be returned and you will be crushed; devastated; for putting yourself out there; and unrequited love is completely devastating.

So is it better to live with the fear of unrequited love or with a broken spirit?

Should you put your heart out there and hope that love is returned or stay hidden until love comes to you?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Yesterday (Saturday)

Had a good day yesterday (or a good day for me, which is still not great/amazing for anyone else, but I digress)

Got to see Harry Potter 7.2 again with someone I like very much (just wish she would like me the same way in return. HATE being in the "friend" zone)

We saw it in 3D. I honestly am not a big fan of 3D, even in the theater. I don't see that big of a difference in the movies to warrant the headache I get from the glasses.

I helped a friend get more stuff done around his house; which is a very rewarding feeling. I like being able to help my friends.

Haven't done anymore writing; but I did find a neat chart about procrastination. Maybe it will help.

That's all for now; maybe I'll post more tonight; if there is anything to post about.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Creative outlet

Tried to nap today before work because I couldn't use my iPad for watching anything (stupid 3 hour updates for jack shit)

Couldn't rest because my mind keeps jumping from one thing to the next; never quieting down long enough to rest.

I really need to find a steady, creative outlet to put all these voices in my head into so I can get a peaceful rest.

I'm sure it doesn't help that I ache all the time; which makes it harder to get comfortable; and harder to focus and do something.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Location:Hialeah Ct,Winston-Salem,United States

Today (Thursday, I think)

Today wasn't a horrible day, not an amazing day; don't get me wrong, but not horrible.

Had to rush to work early and was sore this morning (from 2 days of yard work I am sure) but was able to start the rough draft for my Zombie movie; so I accomplished something.

Plus I rescheduled my root canal, which takes a little weight off my shoulder.

So; we'll have to see what tomorrow brings, won't we?

Good night, Westley.
Good work.
Sleep well.

I'll most likely kill you in the morning.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Location:Hialeah Ct,Winston-Salem,United States

Doing as I am told

Well, here I am again, trying this blogging thing. The creative people who I follow on various sites (Twitter, Google+, etc) say that one needs to blog, that it helps with focus, et all.

I wonder should I babble all in one post or do it in multiple. I think multiple, so more to come later


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone